A Note from Me to Me

More on the room-cleaning front. While clearing my desk, I found a small, folded note I wrote myself. I vaguely remember writing it-- before college, clearly, or maybe a month or two in. Anyway, it's at least two years old, probably more.

It says:

Less complaining-- less WORDS-- more action. Send letters. Give. And try. Hiding and bitching won't fix it, and TRYING CAN'T HURT ME.

Worst case scenario: I go out, I don't have a very good time, I run back to Scones having proved myself right all along.

But.

But maybe it can be different. And asking and trying and talking and talking BACK cannot hurt me. And it may just help someone else.

Don't just find nerdfighters. CREATE THEM.

I am a good person.
I'm an attractive person.
I am a talented person.

TAKE THE ADVICE I GIVE EVERYONE ELSE.

All I have it what I give myself.

I don't even... these are all really good things to remember, of course. But I'm so far away from that now. I don't need to hear that from myself. I don't even recognize that person.

And I suppose that can only be a good thing.

The Right Place for Love

It’s when I’m weary of considerations,
And life is too much like a pathless wood
Where your face burns and tickles with the cobwebs
Broken across it, and one eye is weeping
From a twig’s having lashed across it open.
I'd like to get away from earth awhile
And then come back to it and begin over.
May no fate willfully misunderstand me
And half grant what I wish and snatch me away
Not to return. Earth’s the right place for love:
I don’t know where it’s likely to go better.

- Robert Frost, “Birches”

I love this passage. Let it be my litany.

I acknowledge that everyone has a breaking point. When I reach that place—the place where I’m a little too stressed, a little too busy, a little too worried and worn out and tired and hurt and I snap, forgive me. Never take me at my word, for my actions will always speak louder. There is nothing you can do that can change the way I feel. There is nothing I can say that cannot be taken back and replaced with the truth, if I am given the opportunity. I am in the right place, I am at the right time. I will love now, I must love now, because I will not be granted another chance. This is it. And I can handle it.

It’s what I was put here to do.